March 2
Why has this horrendous burden happen upon me? John my husband, or as I call him, my Warden, has taken my only happiness from my life, my dear sweet canary, and now I am left with nothing. I don't dare weep around him for the thought of his iron grip around me again scares me so. I wish I could go back to happier times when I could be free to sing, where my dear mother and father loved to hear the pretty tunes I had sung once upon a time. How have I let this happened? Something must be done and fast, for if it doesn't, I fear that soon my Warden will no longer want a prisoner who does not obey, and my canary and I will share the same fate.
Minne Foster
March 3
It is finally done. I no longer have a Warden and I am free! But at what cost? I have only just been free when, once again, my freedom is taken from me. I have been taken away from my home, my prison, and for that I ame grateful but when will this ever stop? I move from one prison to another in a days time, and all I wish is to be free! The sheriffs wife and Martha Hale stopped by today with the paper I write upon now as the other prisoners dream and my sewing things, and when I opened the basket I saw the box of which I had lay my dear canary to rest. I cried for hours of the thought of my dead bird and now my dead husband, both free, while I am still trapped in this world. What has happened to me? I need to escape from all of it. I want to be free and never have to come back to reality. Why has John been so lucky to escape? I am the one who freed him when I couldn't even free myself! Well not anymore, I will be free, I will!
Minne Foster
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I like how you compared her husband to a prison warden. I had never thought of it that way, that her home was like a prison. I also liked how the last line of the first entry, "I fear soon my warden will no longer want a prisoner who does not obey, and my canary and I will share the same fate." It sounds well written, probably just like what Minnie would say. Maybe you could have talked more about her canary.
ReplyDeleteThis almost took me off guard because the voice is so compelling. I enjoyed reading what you did with the creative choice. Excellent. You use of text evidence really helped it come alive. Maybe next time think about how you could use more language that a woman oin that time and place would use. Authentic dialog is what it's called. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you put your entry into a diary format, writing what Minnie herself would say. I also like the idea of dead being free, and how she freed her husband but not herself. Maybe next time you could talk more about why she was so attached to her canary.
ReplyDeleteMikki,
ReplyDeleteThis was outstanding! I think the voice and text evidence was great and I really enjoyed reading it. Maybe next time use a wider vocabulary so it's even more enjoyable! Great job! :]
This was a really good response Mikki. I like how you called her husband a warden, because it was a really creative similie I didn't even think about when I read the short story. The format that you wrote in was perfect because it sounded like something Minnie would actally say and it really tied into what was happening in the story. Next time I would recommend you expand your voacbulary even more, but other than that I honestly can't think of anything else to change.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job Mikki! I really liked on how you called her husband a warden. I also like on how you made the voice almost as if you were really her! If this wasn't just a post and I was just reading it I would have really thought that someone actually wrote this. Someone who felt like a prisioner. I loved how you mentioned how her husband made the bird free and how she made the husband free but not herself. Although maybe next time you could try on using a little bit larger vocabulary not that you don't have a big enough one already (haha) (you used words that I wouldn't have even thought of using) but, maybe you shouldn't repeat words so many times like the word "warden" although it is a great word to describe him as. I couldn't say anything else. I think that writing was fantabulous! ~Samm
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the most creative pieces I've read from the responses that everyonce posted. It was so intresting to hear your point of view of what you thought Minnie's thoughts were which made me want to continue reading this. Expand your vocabulary just a little and I think you will have truly amazing writing. You really deserved to move up to Advanced Language Arts this year!
ReplyDeleteWow, I thought your piece was excellent. I rellay like how you chose a different topic than everyone else. The way you tied in text evidence was cool. Great job.
ReplyDelete